I am a young aspiring author in the Young Adult genre. Could you please rate this short story I wrote /10..?

I LOVED the style of writing. It had kind of a Kelley Armstrong touch. However, I didn't like the second half of the story; I think it needed a bit more explanation and maybe more of a shocked response. Brilliant job on the first half though. I had a good laugh at "90's colon." And I enjoyed the description of the little details, like the boss's tie and the lip stick on your characters teeth. All in all, I'd give it an 8/10. I would read a book of yours. Good job!